Thursday, October 11, 2012

Drawing is About Trying and Lying

"I can't draw."  Oh, but you can.

If you can take a photo and hold a pencil you can create this drawing.
I've heard too many people utter this sentence because the fact is you can draw.  And without too much effort you can draw very well if you just tried!  I'm sure the non-artists out there are thinking, "I just don't have the knack," or something is the lines of "I wasn't born with the art gene."  Drawing isn't a magical power or passed down through DNA, these excuses piss me off.  You only think that because you have been fooled by the likes of me and other artists.  Yes, we are all big, fat liars trying to convince you we are doing something so amazing only the chosen can even attempt.  And I'm about to let you into the secret club.

Before I go on, I have a side tangent I must go on.  I often hear, "I can only draw stick figures."  So does this mean you were attempting a realistic portrait of someone but somehow your brain told your hand a realistic portrait is a stick figure?  I think not.  Seriously, look at this photo, do I look like that stick figure?  You totally forgot my super cheap K-mart costume and I'm pretty sure my legs aren't that short.

What you're really saying is "I'm too afraid to attempt anything other than a stick figure because everyone will laugh and point at me when I attempt to stray from the path of least resistance."  Don't be afraid!  I would never laugh and point, only secretly judge you on the inside.  No worries.  Back to the main story.

First of all, if you don't sit down and put pencil (or other marking device) to paper (or some other surface) of course you can't draw.  It's because you're just not.  Put that pencil on paper and move it around.  Viola!  You can draw!  It may not look like what you think is good drawing, which more often than not is the roadblock that keeps you from the next step.  Lying.  You tell other people with confidence that those pencil lines scribbled randomly on the page mean something, you've just created fine art.  It's that easy!  You tried and lied and now you are an artist.  But after this success you're still skeptical in your abilities in creating a realistic drawing.  Never fear, modern technology plus tracing paper is the secret combination I use to pretend I have magical skills and so can you.

Things you'll need to pretend you're amazing at drawing:
1) Camera
2) Computer with printer
3) Tracing paper
4) Pencil
5) Paper

Ok, first, take that camera and take a picture of something you think would look cool in drawing form.  I have chosen hip bones.  Attempt to get a photo without intense blurriness and lighting that forms some shadows.  These are not requirements, no photography skills are necessary.  Point. Click. We'll deal with the consequences of poor lighting later!

Now, upload that snazzy photo on your computer and print it to the exact size you would like your drawing to be.  Don't waste your ink on high-quality printing here, fast-draft away.  As you can see, I printed on two pieces of paper and crudely taped them together.  That's what I call effort!

Now, lay a piece of tracing paper over that and go to town.  It's a miracle, you can draw!

From here you can stop and put that amazing masterpiece up on your fridge and tell all your friends you free-handed that.  They are dumber than you, so they will never know.  If you want to impress a larger audience you can transfer that onto non-tracing paper.  Just tape it pencil side down to your choice of paper and press the pencil onto the paper.  This can be done by your thumbnail, spoon, or popsicle stick.  Remove the tracing paper and use the pencil transfer to start making this drawing amazing, people will cry when they see it (in awe, not sadness).

So, you might have noticed that your drawing is now backwards on the page, which often isn't a big deal.  But if you want to make it the same as the original sketch you can double transfer or trace your drawing on the other side of the tracing paper and then transfer.  If you use words like "double transfer" you will really sound like an artist.  Use words people don't know in order to make them think you really know what you are doing.
Add in some shading if you dare or just leave a contour line.  Now post this up on Facebook and have all your friends tell you that you are a great artist and laugh at them because they don't know you traced most of it.  See?  Lying and trying is all you need to draw.  So no more excuses people!  Get out there and show the world you are special and better than other people through deceit! Muhahahaha...

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